A letter to happiness.

Dear S.

I just thought u should now. I really like you. I really do. And it's dangerous and bad because i can't ever be with u. Because i could never hurt L and u could never hurt misty*. But i feel so happy every time you're with me. So incredibly happy, words couldn't explain. And for that i must thank you, you've kept me sane. But sometimes i wish u didn't make me so happy, because then i could continue lying to myself about how when im with L, i truly felt. I could continue believing that was happiness. That it was a meant to be. I didnt know what i was missing until you gave it to me. And now im stuck. In a type of limbo that leaves me feeling so empty, confused. It's seems like no matter what I do, ill always lose. These past few weeks, that we've spent together has been almost like a dream, and now i have to wake to reality and its just not the same. I wish i knew what to say or what to do. But i don't. I feel awful. Because when im with him, im wishing i were with you. The reason i said sorry is because im sorry that i didn't give you a chance. Im sorry i was stupid and im sorry i left things to happenstance. Because now it's too late. I don't know what lay ahead of me in the future, because now i'll never be the same. I'll always be taunted by this vivid feeling i have for you, this thing i can't explain.

*name changed to protect identity, but to keep rhyme-scheme.