Awake

I awoke this morning with a pain I've only had once before. And it wasn't a pretty situation when that pain plagued me. But I pushed through and kept going. I had work and such to get to.

Alas, the day hasn't been well to me so far. 

I'm tired. Of all of this. 

How much persistence can one have? 

Particularly in the face of disappointment and stress?

At what point does one say, here's my out? 

And how does one make the decision?

That compromising your desires for a "way out", is the way to go. 

Is it that life is just saying, " lets see what you're capable of when you have no options..." Or is it saying, " you have options just not the one you want, stop being stubborn." 

Where's the line between stubborn and persistent?

And how does one apply that to life? 

Perhaps there really is no such thing as good luck, just hard work. If then, how do you work hard towards creating a destiny when it seems you have no say so in its creation....

I'd really like to sleep. Just sleep. And not care anymore. Whatever happens happens. Because at the point I feel like all my efforts are pointless. It seems my eyes are open but I'm not awake. Life has become a blurred form of reality, a dream that I have no real participation in. I am just the spectator to its warped splendor. I can't really be aware of what is what, or what anything means, or what I'm supposed to do. Each road seems to lead to another door of unhappiness. Is this my fate? The emotions that overcome my mind, body, and soul feel like a hurricane eating away at my energy. I am constantly being sucked into its will. I'm drowning in unknown waters, unmapped and unmarked. Because I've never been here before. 

Not exactly sure what to do, but at this moment I feel like sleeping. Unfortunately I'm still awake.