So most recently, I have been assessing my life and my situation. On this paricular day I thought about my friends. After much thought, i came to the depressing realization that I only have one. Really.. well maybe 3.. but really 1.
Now I'll put this into a little perspective, I did not mix "aquaintences" with "friends", there is a big difference between the two.
I wanted to get down to the bottom of why I have been feeling so immensely lonely and thats because I don't have friends.
I have many aquaintences.. but they are not obligated to be my friends, so in fact they end up not being so...
So.... I end up lonely. Lack of company. Lack of conversation.
I feel like it's just me and Olivia, and she's my newborn daughter so it doesn't really count.
I should be able to say that my boyfriend is my friend, but there's been so much tension between us these past few months because we're apart, that we've lost that.
Currently my best friend is on the other side of the country. She's all I've got. But I still feel alone. I hate this feeling.
I decided to take a break from Facebook because I find myself feeling more and more alone. But at the same time wanting to be around people less and less.
DEPRESSION.
It's a disease.
It's a battle.
It's a war.
..
...
....
And i'm losing.
terribly...
I feel like crying.
Sigh.
I have to wake up early tomorrow.
Depression sucks. I have felt exactly how feel. Remember that it will pass. You have to be proactive about it and give it time. Maybe try to join a moms group for you and Olivia? Or maybe even church if you are into that.
ReplyDeleteAlso read The Depression Cure by Stephen S. Ilardi.
ReplyDeleteHave you been taking drugs? Maybe you need to switch meds.
Hello Gabby doll,
ReplyDeleteI'm actually not on any meds, they don't do me any good. I think I just need my own space at the moment. That way I can be more organized and focused on meditation. That has worked in the past.