Morbid News

Originally written a week ago.

So. I finally went to see a doctor for my Feritility.

And I learned a lot of eye opening news, the biggest one was that I was....
...

morbidly obese..

shit I didn't think I looked morbidly obese but apparently I'm more than just fat and I'm most definitely not pregnant (even though she didn't do a test, not that it mattered just got my period and I don't think I'm special enough for a miracle baby)

So my BMI is 39. Click that link if you wanna see what it means or why it means I'm over over weight. I'm not even obese... I'm morbidly obese..... Shit I could die at a moments notice, but I somehow managed to run to meet my coworker by the train station. 🤔

Im not sure how to process the information because I already knew I was fat. Like seriously. Even though I made excuses for not losing weight and I pretty much ignored it, doesn't mean I was ignorant. However what I didn't know was that it (along with my stress) was probably what was causing me to be inferitle. Makes sense considering I was waaaayyyy less fat when I got pregnant with both Olivia and the second time.

In addition, I also found out that I'm high risk because of Olivia's birth. The GYN said she wouldn't dare let me have a natural birth if I got pregnant and stayed with her... But I'm tired of those scare tatics, if I do eventually get pregnant, I'm doing whatever the fuck I want. But first, I've got to loose weight.

I wish i could could just take a vitamin and poof! Or I wish I could at least find time and energy for an activity that I liked. I miss biking, but I would be able to loose the weight I needed with just that.

I know I need to change my diet but I already have a love/hate relationship with food. If I try eating 100% healthy, I probably won't eat at all.

I'll have to find some solution, because I can't stay fat ... Sorry morbidly obese...forever and I want to be able to buy nice clothes...