I. Feel. Like. I. Am. About. To. Implode.

I. Feel. Like. I. Am. About. To. Implode.

And of course this is not the first time. But for some reason, my life just keeps fucking getting better.

I'm being sarcastic.

It's like every time I turn around something else is waiting around the corner for me. I understand everyone has their hardships, but most people I know get a reprieve.

I GET NO FUCKING REPRIEVE!!

I'm so stressed out, it's a type if to prolonged stressed out that's never ending.

IT SUCKS!!

All these emotions swirling inside of me. No release. It's killing me.

And I have this thing about asking people for help... It's not that I'm to uppity to ask for help, I have 2 main reasons.

1. The times I've broken down and asked for help before, I NEVER received any of any SUBSTANTIALLY. Depending on the person it may not have been that they just didn't help, but they couldn't, and that's completely understandable and I respect that.

2. I'd hate to call up someone I haven't talked to out of the blue because I need their help. It's like "oh, NOW you know me..." I really don't mean it that way, it's just that I don't have much time or the mental capacity to keep up with everyone.

So to me, those sound like very valid reasons. I seriously wonder sometimes if the universe just sees some strength in me that I feel I don't have. I may be stubborn and persistent, but I don't see myself as all that strong. I feel pretty fucking weak right now.

You hear that universe... I FEEL FUCKING WEAK!!

I don't know how much I have left in me.
I'm so damaged. It's so hard...