Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Pain

I'm feeling the pain today.
Where did it come from?
I ate today. Twice
That can't happen again.
One a day.. With a shot of twice a day. And a slip of 3 times 3 days
on top of four times a week. Inside of all night per month.
I am not real.
I go through the works. I fake my way through the truth and
 dream my way through reality.
It's all a daydream.
I am uncomfortable with how this plays out. And I don't feel like
talking about taking...
You can't take what doesn't exist.
And that's all that there is to talk about.
I still don't feel anything. I think I'm unconsciously trying to. 
I hope I fail.
He's the second guy I've had sex with.
That will change.
It's a mentality.
Slow. Slow. Go go go down slow slipping. Slowly slipping. Ok.
I don't have words anymore.
I'll just let it happen, and as it happens ill think about it then.
I messed up.
Oh well I'll try an redeem myself.
I'll try, but i don't think I care. It's like a drug.
Not caring and fallin apart. No one has to know. I don't have to
scream or shout, just whisper... Shhhh

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